My Mistrust of Straight and Perpendicular Angles

Yes, this is a serious blog about a serious situation. I do have an actual mistrust of things that are placed too painstakingly at right angles. I promise you I am not-OCD, and I wasn’t born this way.

Today, I saw a series of 4 drawings on a study table in the library, meticulously lined up with no owner in sight. It isn’t the first time I’ve some drawings on that particular table, as different ones appeared a week or so ago. The artist is semi-talented in the way a 5th grader would be. Today, I gathered them in a pile and read the note the artist left behind, dismissing him or her as one of our special patrons, which we get a lot of. But his organizational tactics reminded of that innate mistrust I have of anyone who places objects in flawless formation.

It’s no mystery (or at least it shouldn’t be) that I have not 1 but 2 mentally disturbed parents. Now I get the fact that most children feel that there is something wrong with their parents, but I’m not saying that in a general-fun-of-the-mill-all-parents-are-crazy way, but in a clinical-psychologist-has-diagnosed-both-of-them kind of way.

I won’t go into great details of their respective psychoses right now, but they each had their issues manifest in their mid-20s. Needless to say, a lot of circumstances surrounding the illnesses caused our nuclear family to implode. But that’s not really the point of this blog.

Being surrounded by a parent with a mental disorder is an exercise in paranoia. You learn to put up your defenses at an early age because you never quite know what you’re going to encounter with a mentally ill parent. My mom has remained largely untreated throughout her lifetime, except for one brief intermission where she was institutionalized. However, though her delusions were lessened, they had become such a symbiotic part of her psyche that they are a permanent part of her reality. I lived with her for 17 years of my life, at least 1 with all four of us, 7 with her and my brother and exclusively with her for 10 years.

Then at 17, I moved in with my dad to a whole new lifestyle. Not only was it a physical change in atmosphere in terms of moving from rural to suburban, there were other changes in my routine, how and what I ate, even in the water. I was never fully aware of my father’s mental issues because for the most part, he stays well medicated and fully functional. Apparently only a few things will trigger a breakdown, and they are usually associated with extreme stress or certain cold medicines.

I don’t quite remember the first time I saw him go off the rails, but I do know the end result was me calling my uncles for assistance. In the years to follow with his occasional attacks, I learned how to efficiently deal with them, including developing a good relationship with his psychiatrist and knowing the early warning signs. One of them was organization.

My dad’s ex-military, so it would stand to reason that he already had some organizational quirks. However, when his meds stopped working, there were definitive signs. Neatly organized items with exact parallels and perpendiculars was one of them. Check out the pictures of this normal arrangement...

...compared to the neatly aligned items in this picture.

When I would see this, I would be on edge, waiting for the signs to manifest, which would include playing of loud music, sleeplessness, high-pitched Turret’s screaming, forgetfulness and finally catatonia. The sleeplessness would first be his, followed closely by mine as I tried to keep him from shouting out to the entire neighborhood in the middle of the night. The forgetfulness would cause him to do things like start cooking and then forget a pan on the stove. When I started working closely with his psychiatrist, I could usually get him admitted for a quick reset, and the earlier I caught it, the quicker he’d get better and come home.

The residual effect of his stay? It would take me a few days to ease back into friendly father-daughter conversations with him until I made sure he was balanced. The long-term effects are of course that I live in more of an organized chaos. Part of this was due to my own upbringing, where I was not held responsible for cleaning my own room, but would have it done every day by my mom. But part of it is that natural distrust of anything laid out too neatly.

Funniest Thing I Heard Today

I don’t know about you, but I have a quirky habit of thinking that something is so funny, even when it is either only vaguely amusing, or in some cases, not funny at all. For instance, I remember one time a long time ago, one my restaurant co-workers and I went to a movie—a Sinbad movie at that! From what I just said, you already know that the movie was most likely not funny. However, I can tell you that the co-worker and I both cracked up laughing at this one particular scene (don’t even ask me to remember the scene; I don’t even remember the movie). The problem was, no one else in the entire theater laughed! Our fit of laughter could have had something to do with the food and drink we'd had (or drinks rather).

More recently, the other day, I was told something anecdotally that was just a cute story about someone else (I won’t bother to share because there is no context I could make you understand), and one part of it struck me so funny that I actually slapped my knee! Not only that, I chuckled about the incident ALL DAY! Even now, I find the corners of my lips turning up as I remember the story.

So today when I’m on the phone with my husband today, he says to me, “I’m going to look to you for help on this.” It doesn’t matter what it was per se; all that matters is my response: “Well, you can look to me all you want. I will probably just blink back at you really hard.” I know exactly why this particular phrase was so funny and part of it is because the subtext is that no matter how hard he looks the help probably will not materialize.

I suppose my weird sense of humor is because I'm a word nerd combined with the factI find humor every day. On top of that, I like the stories that are infused with humor.

The Desperate Longing for Eyebrows

I bet you think I'm reaching at straws with this blog topic. But for those of you don't know, there’s a real tragedy because I am hereditarily cursed with thin eyebrows! Although my entire family has thick flowing locks to adorn our crowns, the vast majority of us are hairless wonders, especially the women!

This is great for our legs because we don't have to shave or wax. I literally have 5 hairs on my left leg and 3 on my right. There is faint hair on my arms but it is the same color as my arms, and therefore, invisible.

Then there are my eyebrows. Lamentably, they are almost non-existent. Without eyebrow enhancement, I resemble Whoopi Goldberg, who is rumored to keep her eyebrows shaved/waxed because she thinks eyebrows are a useless part of the body.They’d always been on the thinner side, yet unshaped. To thicken them, I started using an eyebrow pencil. At first, was the good old fashioned Maybelline pencil, but the wood shaving started bothering me.

Then I discovered the self-sharpening eyebrow pencil and it has been my boon companion ever since. Avon pencils are by far my favorite as far as quality and price. I also use their eyeliners in almost every color. I even forayed into the waterproof eyeliners, which I especially enjoy using during the summer. I am so dependent on them that for the longest time, even my best friend had never seen me without them painted on for the first 6 years of our friendship.

To get rid of the unruliness, I first tried shaping them with one of the those eyebrow razors, but it didn't do as clean a job and when they grew back, it was stubbly. So in my mid-20s, I got my first waxing from a hairdresser. It hurt so bad, it made my eyes water and I never went back to her again. Over the years, the pain lessened as I started getting done every few months. My brows were so thin that the one of the ladies who used to wax them once suggested I get a tattoo enhancement!

But now that I’m older, I no longer need the waxing, just an occasional pluck of about 8 or 9 strays, including my first gray eyebrow hair! I recently tried to stray from my trusty brow pencils. Usually, I just go to the nearest store and grab another self-sharpening pencil. My first try was at a beauty supply store where I found this nifty brow powder from NYC. Then I tried two new products from Avon. One another powder with sealing wax. Both the powders worked well.

Then I got cocky and tried a liquid brow brush. The problem with the brush is that I needed to brows that were thick enough to paint! When I applied the brush, it was just a wet slimy mess. Needless to say, I returned it for my 8 bucks and went back to my trusty Avon pencils.

He Ain't Afraid of No Ghosts

For some reason, my child is into Ghostbusters. I'm not sure where it came from other than the previews he's been seeing and maybe Kevin McCarthy reviewing them. He's so obsessed that when his class went to Build-a-Bear Workshop, he ended up buying a Ghostbuster's outfit for his newest bear. He named him Cheesy though, which I didn't get, other than except through child logic: "because he likes cheese!"

So he's constantly been telling me that he's brave, and not scared, except still of chuck E. Cheese. So my deal with him?

Make it through the originals and then we'll go. So I recorded them for him on AMC and we watched one Friday morning (when he was out sick from school) and the other Saturday morning. While the movies were filled with Bill Murray's outright silliness, Dan Aykroyd's goofy humor, and great sly humor by Harold Ramis (in GII saying "More like my epididymis" in response to Bill Murray saying "I bet they love your big brain"), there really aren't that many ghost appearances. In addition, the animation probably looked elementary to Ayden, who is used to realistic-2D computer animation in his cartoons.

True to our word, we took him. And even though he jumped at times, he still was not scared. Of course, he did have to go to the bathroom twice, and always during the best parts.

And how did the grown-ups like it? Great reboot of the franchise. There were cameos from everyone from the original film that is still living, except Rick Moranis. And while the cameos made a great overall homage to the original film, //I have agree with Kevin: they weren't really needed. The plus side is that younger generations will not get spoiled by this since the originals came out in 1984 and 1989, respectively. In addition, Chris Hemsworth (who we know as Thor in Marvel movie franchise history) is hilarious!

Interesting tidbit that I learned about the movie though. Originally, Ernie Hudson's role was supposed to be bigger and more integrated, but was chopped at the last minute. Winston Zeddmore's character background was actually that of an ex-astronaut. Read more about his comments here and here. I dare anyone to read these and then look at his role in there; you'll read it very differently with this knowledge.

Hellified Heat

It has been extra hot here this week! Not only has it been hot, but there is humidity has draped over the city's atmosphere. It's the kind of hot that makes you want to experiment with frying an egg out here! Is hot enough that I felt sorry for the little stray cat that I see on the side of the road on my commute home from work, and moreso the homeless people I ride past as well.

On days like this, it is almost tempting to call in sick to life in general. Yet because it's so hot, staying home isn't a great option either because on the "dog days of summer," all of the power companies decide that when it's a high heat index day, and that they are going to cycle your air off temporarily, especially if you are enrolled in their energy Savings Plan (which I haven't seen much savings on since I've been enrolled).

For those of you not enrolled in Energy savings, the premise if you lessen your air consumption by a certain percentage, you are supposed to save money on your electric bill. The trade-off of course, is that on certain days that are designated as heat index days, the power company has control over your thermostat! They turn off your central air conditioning supply for a few hours. On the surface, this does not seem so bad especially if they do the cut off at hours in which you are not home. The problem, however, is with the time that the power companies choose. The time from my energy cycling is scheduled roughly for 3 p.m. and generally extends until around 6 p.m. . This means that when I get home my air will not be on! My only saving grace this week is that A and I attended Vacation Bible School, which began at 6 p.m. and ended at around 9 p.m. (more on adventures at VBS later).

Right now, I am sitting in the relative comfort of my home in the morning, nursing my son back to health to help him recover from his summer cold. Like his mama, he can't handle fluctuations indoor and outdoor temperatures. Yes, that means that I caught a slight 1 myself, but managed to knock mine out with Thera-Flu. But it knocked him out of commission not only for the last night of VBS, but also for this morning's soccer practice this morning. I'm actually thankful for it this morning, because after last week's super hot outdoor practice, I was not looking forward to more extreme heat.

Stay hydrated folks. One good way is to make sure you start off the day with a cup before you leave. Fast-food Restaurants give courtesy cups of water. Take your own cup to 7-11 and other convenience stores and you get water from the dispenser for free (a kid actually did not know this and expressed surprise when he saw me leave with my container). Again, stay hydratted. Avoid brown sodas and caffeine because they extract water from your body.

My Obsession with Wegmans, Part 2

So where were we?

Ah, burgers (in my best inner Homer Simpson voice). I almost feel as if I haven’t done the burger bar at Wegman’s justice, but mostly because thinking of that burger makes me almost drool on my keyboard. They actually closed the Burger Bar for a year, and I believe that enough protests brought it back. This year, they’re doing monthly promotions of different sandwiches. In June, they featured a shrimp po’ boy, and I will admit, I had one. I can only close my eyes in remembered bliss. This month, they’re featuring a fried chicken sandwich, and while I very seldom order chicken sandwiches out of anywhere but fast food or Ruby Tuesday’s (the buffalo chicken sandwich), I may give Wegmans the chance to impress me.

But as I was saying yesterday, Wegman’s has cornered the market on the on-the-go person. Say that you want to replicate that home-cooked meal without actually preparing all the ingredients, Wegman’s has you covered. Whereas ordinary grocery stores, hereby probably just referred to as “the others,” have maybe one or two cases a couple yards (or meters for those of you on the metric system) long, Wegman’s has cases the equivalent of a quarter-mile track. You encounter fresh foods that you can mix and match protein and 2 sides for a meal and go home and warm it. You have four different flavors of jumbo shrimp in a case. There are a variety of fish: cleaned, some fileted, and some stuffed with a seafood mixture, again that you can go home and prepare. Then there’s the beef case, where thick succulent steaks are on display. On Valentine’s Day, I’ve even seen ribeyes butterflied and arrange as heart. Again, there are also cuts that are stuffed.

On the opposite side from the cases are the free standing refrigerated items that are prepackaged. This includes the family-style sides that you can pop in the oven and serve. And there is every type of fair from typical American fare that you would see on a Thanksgiving holiday such as mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, seasoned green beans, along with entrée meat choices of chicken turkey. There is also a family style Asian selection of orange chicken and other good things. I’m feel I’m failing in my description or even boring you with myriad lists of foods. You really have to go see for yourself. Admittedly, it might overwhelm your senses. "The Tyranny of Choice" is real folks.

What to talk about next? I could extol the bakery, with its cookies and cakes and pies and donuts, which would do the same thing to this blog that I did in real life and keep me just on one section of the store.

Or I could mention that the store has an artisan cheese section, a freaking Mediterranean olive bar (who likes olives that much?0, a gargantuan organic section, a station where they openly chop and prep vegetables for sides, grilling and stir fry cooking, even peppering in tasting demonstrations (which actually occur in other sections of the store).

Or I could talk about the fact that you can not only get cookware and utensils, but decorate your entire kitchen and dining room in seasonal décor while you’re there, complete with place settings (trust me, every summer, I’ve purchased a new set of placemats from there). I’ve actually also purchased several little novelty items as gifts from there as well, such as this nifty notepad or 3 mini zebra flasks.

I could probably go into more detail and create at least two more posts, but I’m going to stop here. Yes, I do have an obsession with this store. I have yet to venture to the Alexandria location (where they sell booze), but I think it’s on my own personal Zip Trip (me and the hubby with local weatherman Tucker Barnes at National Harbor)..

All I can say is imagine a cross between the others, a big box store, Bed Bath and Beyond, an Amish market and a mall food court and you may be able to grasp just the tip of the iceberg. Seriously, if there’s not one near you, vacation to a location near one.

My Obsession with Wegmans, Part 1

I never thought I would actually fall in love with a grocery store. Prior to Wegman’s, they were just functional places that I needed to go to get groceries. Sure, like any shopper, I could pick up a few added extras from time to time, but usually grocery shopping meant lamenting the long lines.

But then I met Wegmans. Even though it only seems like it’s been a couple of summers, the reality is that we first met in the fall of 2010. What I do remember is that the first few times I went in there, I didn’t make it out of the fresh food and bakery section. The first time I actually went in there to shop, I remember I was looking for pasta. Instead of opting to browse the aisles, I studied the aisle directory and tried to put blinders on to get to where I needed to be. Little did I know that the store had a bulk loose candy/nut section, and further did I not know that it was on the way to the pasta. I remember physically stopping short and just staring at the vast array of bins in front of me which held everything from individually wrapped Snickers to chocolate covered sunflower seeds.

I made it out of there that day with just the pasta and a promise—to return and browse at leisure. This was actually no easy feat since I was due to be a new mommy in a few more weeks. But eventually a break came and I was able to explore at leisure. And it’s been a love affair ever since.

For those of you who don’t have a Wegman’s near you, I would encourage you to take a vacation in a town that has one. I promise you won’t need to go anywhere for anything else. Wegman’s is built for everyone.

For the person on the go. You could be a commuter, a college student, someone on a lunch break, or a busy mom with the hot/fresh food section. At the very first stop in the section (at least the one located in Woodmore), you come to the coffee bar. In the morning the coffee bar sells made-to-order breakfast sandwiches or oatmeal. The breakfast ends at 11am, but coffee is available all day, and you can even get ice cream from here.

Move a few more steps ahead and you come to the deli, where you can a full selection of sandwiches and subs, hot or cold. Only two words for this section: everything bread!

Traverse a few more steps and you can get hot pizza or calzones. Both of these stops offer combo meals where you can add a drink. But that’s only the beginning.

Whoever heard of grocery store having four different hot food stations? But that’s exactly what you get at Wegmans. To be fair, there is a cold salad bar station, but who wants salad when you have a wing bar? Yes. I said wing BAR. The bar has at least six different flavors at any given time. My personal favorites are the lemon pepper fried and the Old Bay flavored (you have to be an Atlantic Coaster to know about this). Added to the wing bar is the Asian hot food station, which is separated from the Indian, and the Southern/home food station. And they also have a soup station.

But that’s not all. How about you can get freshly rolled sushi from Wegmans? Yes, I said fresh, because several times a day, you can see the sushi chefs (is that the right term?) actually make the rolls. And they have the option of the raw or the cooked.

Yet and still, that’s not all. Wegmans has a burger bar. And I’m telling you, Wegman’s has one of the best burgers I have EVER tasted. The patties are hand-pressed and seasoned, and cooked to order. They come with either French fries or onions and the damned bar even has the nerve to sell old fashioned shakes, which I am both proud and ashamed that I have not tried.

I was naïve enough to believe I could talk about this place in one sitting. More tomorrow.

Blogginconsistency

So 3 days have passed since I last put fingers to keyboard for a blog post. And I will admit to something dire. I have a problem with consistency.

I hear imaginary crickets as I realize that no one is surprised by this.

The real surprise is in how many different ways I’ve cataloged my inconsistencies.

1. My constant battle with my weight. Although I have worked out since I was 20, I have very seldom sustained any workout beyond a few months. Then I would find myself going back. Last year, when I visited my physician, I told her that I have done almost every workout in the book: yoga, swimming, kickboxing, water aerobics, aerobic training, track walking, weight training. And I've tried every method of motivation: paying for it, enlisting friends for wake up calls or as workout partners, pinning inspirational phrases/pictures. Look at the latest trend:
   • Cize. Out the eight video sequence, I made it to #2. And this was after staying on video #1 for two weeks, then doing the 2nd about 4 times in another 2 weeks.
   • Kettle Bell. I may have picked each of them (I have one at work and at home) up a grad total of four times.
   • The elliptical. By far, one of my most successful endeavors, meaning I can do it for about 3 months consistently.
   • Insert latest diet craze here.
     • South Beach.
     • Calorie Count.
     • Jug of water per day.
     • 40-day fast.
     I'm not going to lie, each one of these that I did gave me good results, especially when I started mixing them with exercise. And each of them gave me a better eating lifestyle than I'd previously had. But again, the goal was some kind of consistency. How come I can't sustain them is a question I constantly ask. I would be okay if I could just be one of those people who could take a weekend break from the wagon. But not only do I fall off it, I jump with a tuck and roll and sprint away from it, usually to the nearest restaurant.
2. Writing.
   • My book. I've started and stopped so many times I feel like I’ll be 90 before I actually finish it. The bad part is that I am SO CLOSE.
   • This damn blog. Just trying to cultivate the habit of writing something EVERY SINGLE DAY is causing my brain to rebel. I've heard my self tell myself to write on Wednesday. And myself responded back to my self, I'll write later. And while I did indeed write later, it wasn't to blog, but to get my articles done, and I didn't even do much of that.

Okay, so those are only 2 things, but they seem to encompass so much of my stop and start life. Yet there are other things. For instance, I may start a project and never pick it back up. I didn’t even keep with organizing my calendar thanks to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which I thought was the most helpful book ever. I had even practiced expressing gratitude on a daily basis through a Facebook group, and I was proud of that…and then it fell apart.

Believe it or not, I am not using this blog as a platform to berate myself. I’ve done okay in life. One thing I do manage to complete is reading. The only problem with reading is that there is SO MUCH out there to read that it makes it hard for me to ever whittle down my To Be Read Lists--any of them. Let's put it this way: for every one book I read, I manage to add 6 to the list (a topic I'll discuss in another blog). I do pretty well following timelines in my teaching too, although I leave as much room as I can for flexibility. And as I've admitted before, the freelancing is helping me be more steady with following deadlines.

There's always room for improvement. The old GI Joe cartoon slogan was "Knowing is half the battle." Now I just have to battle the other halves.

Conversations About the 4th

I took a break for the holiday, but here I am, at it again. As holiday weekends went, this one was tame. It all started with a conversation on Friday.

She: “So, what are your plans for the 4th?”

Me: “Nothing.”

She: “For real? You’re always on the go, or traveling or something?”

Me: “Precisely why I’m not going anywhere this weekend.”

So it was almost the truth. In actuality, I did have sketchy plans to go to karaoke on Sunday and to the golf course across from my alma mater for jazz and fireworks. On the 4th of July, I sat around in my homemade Public Enemy shirt (more on that in a later blog), yoga pants, knit booties and granny bonnet (yes, really) drinking a cup coffee while writing this blog, watching my son eat his lunch and the rain come down outside. And life is perfect. So what did I do all weekend? Exactly squat.

Friday, I went to work and after work, my hubs and I decided to go to Sam’s Club (if you’re not familiar with Sam’s, think of any big box super club). I was prepared for a madhouse: it was after all, a Friday, the 1st of the month, and the kickoff to a holiday weekend. In addition, a colleague had put her experience at another big box club up earlier that day. Yet I was pleasantly surprised. It was actually emptier than I’d anticipated—even emptier than a typical Friday, and everything was well stocked. So we navigated through with ease and came home. That was Friday.

Saturday, we got up to take our kid to soccer practice—only to remember after we got there that there was none. At least one other parent was as dedicated as we were. Since it was in the 9 o’clock hour we went to breakfast at Cracker Barrel, where I convinced my son and hubby that every child needs a talking toucan toy. Although Cracker Barrel has good country breakfasts, there’s just something a little disappointing about the service since most of the time, my food comes to me lukewarm. After Cracker Barrel, we each ran an errand, got some gas, and came back home. After watching a movie, I took myself out on the deck with a book and a glass of Chardonnay. Then in the evening, I enjoyed good conversation and another drink. And that was Saturday.

Sunday was supposed to be church in the morning followed by karaoke in the evening. Neither happened. I desperately wanted to cling to my bed most of the day. I did manage to get up to eat breakfast, season some chicken for the grill in the afternoon and make some from scratch potato salad for dinner. And that was Sunday.

On the actual holiday, I got up that morning, warmed up some pancakes for my kid and prepped a flag pie

I’d seen pictured on Facebook. It came out rather nicely, although I will confess that I’m not a fan of strawberry pie. I even had enough blueberries left to make a blueberry pie.

Alas, no ice cream. For dinner, we had food the hubs had grilled Sunday and sat down to family movie night watch Zootopia and Chicken Little. No Independence Day celebration would be complete without looking at the fireworks on TV and listening to James Earl Jones read an excerpt of Frederick Douglass’ “What to the Slave Is the Fourth of July.” Such ended the holiday.

In my usual fashion, I could not sleep, so I stayed up until at least 2a.m. reading, knowing I had to be up in the morning.