Funny Bunches of Oats

After much much ado, here is my first blog dedicated to the habit changing that I’ve been doing as of late as promised. I think one of the reasons I keep hesitating with this blog is that oatmeal is so BORING. But it has become my most necessary of evil. These blogs will not necessarily be in the order in which they occurred but more by the lifestyle impact they may have had. Some will be grouped together, while others will have entire monologues dedicated to them, like this one. Even though I have a title for this blog already, if I had to give a subtitle, it would be My Ode to Oats, or more accurately My Odiousness to Oatmeal. In fairy tales and fables, it is known by an almost pleasant name, porridge. To me, it is no fairytale food and should be known by its corporal punishment moniker in nightmarish tales: gruel. I will fully admit that I have never been fond of oatmeal in its most natural form that I was introduced to by Quaker. As a child, my mother boiled the oats in water which enhances its gruel-like texture. I would find that no matter how much sugar I dumped into the offensive glob that sat in front of me, it would never make me desire to eat it. I would cringe whenever my mom went to the store and pick the serious old man in the black brimmed hat over the smiling guy in the white chef’s hat that symbolized Cream of Wheat, which I love. Now there was a guy with credibility to my young eyes—he had on a chef’s hat for goodness sake! How much could a man dressed like a minister know about really good food? Aren’t they more interested in abstaining from the pleasurable pursuits in life? The invention of the Quaker Apples-n-Cinnamon instant oatmeal packet slightly adjusted my thinking as a youth because it was something quick and easy that I could fix for myself (without the microwave oven).Therefore, that flavor and only that flavor, helped me to steadily ingest oatmeal (once my mom found something you liked, she stayed with it. For most of my adult life, I have studiously avoided oatmeal like it was gruel. I’m a habitual breakfast skipper, so it was easy to shun old fashioned oats. Even when I did break my fast with a morning meal, I either went to the no-cook convenience of cereal, or the polar opposite of a full breakfast that included pancakes, eggs, and breakfast meat. Clearly, I was not worried about cholesterol. I’m still not worried about cholesterol to this day, but I was slowly reintroduced to the concept of eating it by my son of all people. He LOVES oatmeal, and so we buy the instant packs in bulk and send some to the babysitter. When I decided to embark upon my newest battle (see “I De-Clare War”) I kept hearing from various sources that it was good option to promote weight loss. In truth, the flavor of oatmeal isn’t that bad, but as is often said on Food Network, we eat with our eyes, and the primary problem with oatmeal is that it just doesn’t look good (unless it’s shaped into a cookie). I’ve even ventured outside of the apples and cinnamon into maple and brown sugar and the other one that tastes exactly like maple and brown sugar (I think Quaker calls it cinnamon and brown sugar). The only flavor that I have lingering animosity toward is plain oatmeal. What I’ve done to make it more palatable was to add fresh blueberries or bananas, but even that has not been enough to disguise the gruel-like taste. Then, in an effort to help reduce my oatmeal animosity since every time I made a bowl, I would make a sarcastic comment about it, my coworker suggested I try a different type of oatmeal. She even nicely gave me a few packets to try before I buy. My first thought upon opening the package was why are these oat flakes so HUGE? In fact, I think my exact thought process was why does this oatmeal look so oaty? (Okay, I know oaty is not a real word but it should be.) This oatmeal also happens to have flaxseed already in it, which in whole form, as my other co-worker pointed out, resembles small black beetles, giving you the illusion that the oatmeal has gone bad. (Flaxseed will be a future topic of discussion). Surprisingly, however, this healthier oatmeal tasted just a good as the Quaker I thought at the time. I tried maple and brown sugar and even pomegranate, which I thought would be disgusting, but was again, rather tasty. It turns out that ironically, this more healthy for you oatmeal, called Good Oats is actually better than Quaker. After a week, I returned to Quaker and found myself disappointed with the tiny undistinguishable oat flakes and dust that Quaker had to offer. So while I will continue (at least for the meantime) to buy Quaker for Ayden, I have decided to fully commit to more adult oatflakes. And I may not even complain about them as vocally.